Rob

                                                            

I connected with Tori, who lives in New Zealand, via Facebook over 10 years ago. We were both recently widowed, raising our sons, and learning how to live again after losing our wonderful husbands. Although we did not correspond often I would see Tori post pictures of her handsome sons and the special events in their lives. My heart would swell with compassion and love for her. We shared a bond, we were sisters in Christ that prayed our way through the darkness. Our faith in God brought us through the hardest of times and continues to help us find our joy each and every day.

Now Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance for what we do not see.- Hebrews 11:1 

I am honored to share a glimpse of Tori’s journey. The faith that Tori showed and continues to show is truly an inspiration.

“Rob and I first met in November 2001, and a friendship quickly developed. By the end of April we were engaged. We married 9 months later on Jan 2, 2003. We knew God had brought us together, and decided, why wait for a long drawn out engagement process, when all we wanted was to be together.” 

“Rob had 2 children from his first marriage, and I had just graduated with my teaching degree, so we planned to wait a couple of years before having kids of our own. In October 2005, we finally went on our “honeymoon” to Australia and not long after returning we were pregnant with our first son.Benjamin was born in July 2006, and Jacob followed just over 2 years later in October 2008. Rob was an amazing father.” 

I am honored to share a glimpse of Tori’s story. The faith that Tori showed and continues to show is truly an inspiration. 

"A couple of hours later, he had been admitted for “observation” overnight, and two doctors came into the room to share the devastating news. “Unfortunately, we didn’t find any kidney stones, but we found the reason for the blockage. You have a tumor growing around the tube from your kidney to your bladder and we need to stent it immediately, to release the pressure” Rob told them “If you’re telling me I have cancer, you can leave now”. He was devastated. He didn’t want to know any details. He just wanted it fixed. I wanted details. I wanted to know exactly what they had found and how they planned to fix it.”

“About a week later, after Rob had had a stent placed. We had a meeting with the urologist and he said “You have stage 4 Sigmoid Colon cancer”.  After meeting with the oncologist soon after that, we found out that his prognosis was very poor. It was mid November and the oncologist told me Rob would be lucky to see Christmas. That was about 6 weeks away. The cancer had been silently growing for a long time it seemed, with no symptoms whatsoever. By the time they had discovered it, it had spread from his bowel, to his liver, lungs, and spine.”

“Rob was given palliative chemo, to try to hold the growth of the tumors at bay for a while, so he could have some more time with us. Thankfully, he fought for 21 months, and on August 24, 2014, he met his Savior, Jesus Christ and received his full healing in heaven.” 

“The diagnosis rocked our world completely, but we knew, no matter what, that God held us in his hands and that he numbered our days. We prayed for healing, we fasted, we forgave anyone and everyone, we petitioned God, we did everything in our power to believe for his health and restoration here on earth, but that wasn’t to be.” 

Our time on earth is brief; the number of our days is already decided by you.Every man has an allotted number of days here on earth. – Job 14:5 

"We were put in contact with the local Hospice very early on after diagnosis. That place was literally God sent. We had 2 beautiful “hospice in home” nurses, one of whom was a Christian and would pray with us whenever she came to disconnect Rob’s chemo. The boys were only 4 and 6 when Rob was diagnosed, and the hospice had a family connections program. One of the first things we were invited to was a Christmas Craft afternoon for the kids. It must have been late November or early December. I remember going, and talking to a lady who had 2 girls, not much different in age than my boys. Her husband had passed away about a year earlier. She was laughing and smiling with her girls. I remember so vividly, thinking “If she can laugh and smile, and she is ok, then I will be too”. 

“God gave me the word hope. Not in an audible voice way. But through seeing that lady, I knew I could have hope that no matter what the journey looked like, what we encountered, and what the outcome was, God had me. He had my boys. He had Rob. I would hold onto Hope, no matter what.”

“Rob became quite the inspiration to his friends on facebook, as he would post most mornings about what he was grateful for in that moment. It might have been as simple as the comfy couch that he often fell asleep on, or it would be more deep, about the unconditional love he got from the kids.”

“Life as a caregiver to your spouse living with cancer is extremely difficult. To be honest, our relationship changed to be more like flatmates. We still loved each other deeply, but it is truly heartbreaking to watch your spouse get so sick, so quickly, and to know how much the cancer had taken from him. But we held onto each other, and to God, knowing that he would sustain us and give us everything we needed.”

“For me personally, both through the cancer journey, and since Rob has passed,  the thing that got me through each day, sometimes each minute, was worship music. So often, I couldn’t even sing the words, I would just turn it on and close my eyes and listen. More often than not, with tears streaming down my face.” 

“I will call upon Your name, to keep my eyes above the waves, when oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Yours, and You are mine” (Hillsong, Oceans) 

“Blessed be the name of the Lord … You give and take away … but still my heart will say, Blessed be Your name” (Matt Redman).

“Since Rob’s diagnosis and death, I have become much more aware of how short life is. It’s not all about working and earning money. It’s about being with those people that you love and who love you. I don’t waste time on one sided relationships. I don’t have the capacity or mental energy to be the one giving out all the time. I have to do that for my own children, I can’t do it for “so called friends” as well. I have chosen to remain working only part time, instead of focussing on my career like I did before Rob got sick. Sure, financially, we would be in a better place if I was working full time, but I make it work. We have a roof over our heads, and food in our stomachs. That’s all we really need.”

Whatever you do, do it from the heart for the Lord and not for people. Colossians 3:23

“My kids are now 14 and 16 and while they are doing really well, they have, for now, walked away from God. They have questions that no one can answer this side of heaven, and I have to trust God that He has got hold of them and He will protect them. I never planned to raise 2 boys on my own, yet here I am, since they were 5 and 8, doing just that. Everyone tells me I am doing a great job, I can only give that credit to God. I can’t do this on my own, and the amount of times I have cried to Him, I know He is helping me.”

“This morning, the preacher at my church said “In spite of your circumstances, the praise is still inside of you” 

“In the depth of your pain and heartache, your loneliness and your sorrow, God is right there. He hasn’t abandoned you. He hasn’t turned his back on you. While we don’t understand the reason why He allows good people to die, He is still good. He doesn’t change. It’s not in His nature to be cruel and heartless. He is waiting for us. He is waiting just to hold you in his arms and let you just be. He sent the Holy Spirit to be our comforter.”

“No matter where you are in your cancer journey with your spouse, God has a plan. A plan for good, not for evil. He holds you in the palm of His hand. He will never let you go.” 

Thank you Tori for your bravery and transparency. God certainly has a plan for your and your boys.

He has a plan for all of us. Amen.

Blessings, 

Tammy